


give me your heart & i'll crush it in my hands

by InvadingThoughts



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Best Friends, Confrontations, Hiding, M/M, Marriage, Swearing, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love, Weddings, but not in the way you think, fight, vanoo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 05:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5404031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvadingThoughts/pseuds/InvadingThoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What… What are you doing Evan?” Brock asked, moving closer to sit beside him on the ottoman, “why are you hiding?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” he replied, almost whispering it into the air between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	give me your heart & i'll crush it in my hands

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt on tumblr "The Way You Said I Love You: (14) A whisper in the ear"  
> This too me a while to write, but i’m finally happy with it! I feel cruel for hurting Brock but oh well, I hope you all enjoy <3

“… Are you nervous?”

Brock’s voice was low, but it still managed to cut through the quiet atmosphere of the room and Evan couldn’t stop himself from flinching slightly. He’d realised that it was only a matter of time before they started looking for him- of course he couldn’t stay hidden  _forever_ \- but he couldn’t help but feel slightly glad that Moo was the one who found him. Evan knew he looked pathetic, with his face buried in his hands and his left leg uncontrollably bouncing up and down- he was the picture of panic.

“Yeah… little bit…” He whispered back, not bothering to look up at Moo. He kept his head in his hands and just squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to build up the courage to leave the room and face her. She’d have to come talk to him soon if he stayed in here any longer, and Evan really didn’t want to see the look of disappointment and hurt on her face.

Probably since he was the one who was responsible for it being there.

It had been wishful thinking to think that he could just get away from everything, to just hide from his parents and Sydney for a few moments to clear his head. It didn’t seem to matter though, because a half an hour alone with his thoughts had just left him more confused than before, but the one thing he knew was that he loved her. He  _still_ loved Sydney, adored her even, but it was overwhelming to be faced with the idea of ‘to death do us part’.

“What… What are you doing Evan?” Brock asked, moving closer to sit beside him on the ottoman, “why are you hiding?”

“I don’t know,” he replied, almost whispering it into the air between them.

Sydney was his future and he knew that, of course. But the second that Tyler had told him it was almost time, that he needed to be ready; Evan had bolted out of his dressing room and straight down the church hallway. He’d panicked, instead of getting dressed and waiting for her at the end of the aisle like he was meant to, he navigated the halls of the church and had ended up hyperventilating, alone, in an empty office room. Stuck there worrying about whether it was actually  _worth_ it to commit his whole life to someone when he was still so young.

Brock sighed from his spot beside him, leaning his elbows on his knees and stared at the dull grey wall. Evan had been expecting a lecture, for Brock to berate him for running off and for him to tell him that he shouldn’t let a few doubts ruin what he had.

The last thing he expected was for Moo to offer him an out.

“You  _don’t have_  to marry her, you know…” he said quietly, turning his head to glance at Evan. There was something hidden beneath his eyes, some weird emotion that Evan couldn’t place and it set him on edge. Brock was the hopeless romantic of the group, constantly talking about soul mates and true love- so to hear him encourage heartbreak made Evan feel dirty.

It made him feel like something was wrong.

He let the words sit in his mind for a few moments, sitting there in the room quietly as he tried to decide if maybe Brock was right this time. Sure, he knew he was acting stupid, worrying for no real reason when instead he could be getting ready to marry the  _love of his life._

But… Evan needed to know the commitment was worth it.

To become a husband, to build a life with someone and maybe even be a father in the future. He wanted it to be with the right person, but deep down… Vanoss knew that she was the one.

“I think… I want to though…” he replied, biting at his bottom lip, “I love her Brock and I think that’s all I need, its cliché I know. I may be an idiot for taking this long to realise it, but I’m not stupid enough to let cold feet ruin everything for me.” Evan laughed softly, feeling the pressure lift off of his chest as he let himself just enjoy the moment. He let himself enjoy that fact that he was sitting next to one of his best friends, moments away from marrying his fiancée on one of the best days of his life.

He watched Moo smile back at him, but Evan caught the way his shoulders slumped slightly at his words. Something about the idea of Evan marrying Sydney made Brock upset, and he had no idea why.

“You… Don’t want me to marry her? Do you?” He asked quietly, watching his friends reaction closely. Evan thought his friends loved Sydney, they’d told him so many times that he was lucky to have her that he’d lost count. He agreed every time, but he quickly realised that every time the topic switched to Sydney, Brock always managed to avoid talking about her.

“Huh?… If you want to marry her then I’m here for you, dude. I j-just wanted to make sure that this was what you… really wanted,” he stuttered, eyes focused on the floor before he sighed quietly, “I’m happy for you, Ev. I… I swear. Come on, Tyler’s probably freaking out, your parents won’t quit asking where you are and you don’t want to keep Sydney waiting. S-she’s worried enough as it is,”

“You didn’t answer my question, Brock,”

“Um, yeah I think I did,” he laughed nervously, getting up slowly and standing awkwardly in front of Evan.

“No,” Evan argued, “I know you’re here for me no matter what, but that’s _not_ what I asked. I asked whether or not you  _want_ me to marry her?”

Brock huffed a bitter laugh, looking at Evan with a glare as he spoke. “What does it matter what I want, Evan? Just- just drop it, alright,” he growled, shuffling on the spot, almost as if he wanted to bolt straight out of the room.

Vanoss knew it was stupid to keep questioning him about it, that he was just causing problems- putting stress on a friendship that he desperately wanted to survive- but for some reason he didn’t stop. He kept pushing, maybe just so he could see Brock break- just so he could learn what was really on his friends mind. Brock might not have been as mysterious as Delirious was, but he was quiet and that drove Evan mad.

“It matters, alright. Just  _fucking_ tell me! Why don’t you want me to marry her?” Evan yelled, frustration written all over his face.

Moo looked like he wanted to cry, and for a moment Evan realised he might have pushed too far. He might have just jumped into uncharted territory that could possibly ruin them. Brock sighed, a sound that sounded so broken and empty and when he raised his eyes to look up at Evan, it was obvious that he didn’t expect his reaction to be something positive.

“Usually…” Moo began, speaking so slowly that Vanoss wasn’t sure if he was going to continue, “when someone shares a secret… they whisper it,” he breathed and Evan have a curt nod in response.

“If that will help you, go ahead,” he replied and Brock snorted a laugh.

“Nothing’s going to help me Evan, please don’t make me do this. Please I beg you, let’s just walk out of that door and pretend this never happened,” he pleaded, biting at his bottom lip, “G-go marry Sydney and let me and Tyler stand beside you as you do. You- you can tell, can’t you? This is gonna change things between us and I don’t want that. They say ignorance is bliss and I’m asking you to pretend. Just… Evan please,”

In that moment, Evan felt evil as he watched his friend break down in front of him.

Moo looked so small standing in front of him, like a child awaiting punishment and Evan almost did what he asked. He almost pretended that he could just ignore what Brock was hiding, as if it wasn’t already too late.

As if Evan wouldn’t constantly wonder- in the back of his mind- what his best friend was hiding from him.

“It’s too late,” he replied, looking away quickly and licking his lips slowly. He forced himself not to flinch when he heard Moo whimper quietly from in front of him and he just kept talking to the empty air, “it’s too late Moo because it’s not going to go away when I leave this room. I’m… I’m going over all of the possibilities in my head, trying to find one that would make you act like this. I’m stuck considering some pretty horrible scenarios and I… I  _need_ to know the truth,”

Brock shuddered a breath, trying to get control of himself again. His eyes were slightly red and Vanoss could see his hands were shaking as they hung limply beside his body. “Yeah… I get it,” Moo smiled, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“It can’t be that bad, can it?” Evan asked, shaking his head and Brock just shrugged.

He didn’t speak as he walked toward Vanoss, crowding up against him so closely that Evan could feel him breathing against his cheek. It was too close, way too close for two friends to be standing beside each other and he felt the need to step back. He just expected Brock to whisper it quietly between them, but this was more personal.

As if Brock was trying commit  _everything_ about  _Evan_ to his memory while he still could, and it made Evan cringe to think that the secret was  _that bad_.

He felt Moo lean in slightly, with his fingers clenched into fists at his sides as he whispered, “I love you,” very quietly into Evan’s ear. He pulled away quickly- almost as if Evan had burned him- before continuing. “I-I am completely and utterly in… in love with you. That’s why I don’t want you to marry her Evan, because I  _want_ you,”

It was like a sudden punch to the throat, to hear those words blurted into the air between them and Evan felt his stomach drop. It was the last thing he’d expected and he realised that he probably would’ve preferred it if Brock had told him that Sydney was  _cheating_ on him instead.

Moo was right when he said it was going to change things between them, and Vanoss realised he was naive to believe it would be for the better. He could feel himself shaking his head as he let his eyes drop to the floor and the sound of Brock’s small, quiet sob made him bite down on his tongue- _hard_.

“I-I  _know_ , okay,” Moo whimpered, “I-I  _know_ I fucked up. I fell for you and you’re going to leave this room and still marry her, no matter how much I beg _._ You love her, not me. I know that and that hurts like _hell.”_

Evan didn’t look up, instead he just tried to ignore all of the hurt in Brock’s voice.  His best friend was in love with him and Evan couldn’t do anything to change it- because it was too late. It was too late because things would quickly grow awkward between them, Moo would grow distant from being heartbroken and Evan would just… let him.

It was too late because Evan  _didn’t_ love him back.

_“_ D-does it make you feel better to know this Evan? T-to watch me suffer? You can’t even look me in the eyes anymore, so is this what you wanted? To destroy our friendship just because  _you_ couldn’t  _stop pushing!”_   he yelled, more so in pain than in anger. He sighed, all of the fight draining out of his body, “… two years, Evan.”

“…What?” Vanoss mumbled before could stop himself.

He heard the door to the room opening slowly and he assumed that it was probably Tyler. He glanced up quickly and caught sight of his friend who was just stood in the doorway, watching them and Evan mused that he must have been been drawn to them by the sound of Brock yelling.

Brock ignored Tyler and instead just he slowly inched further and further away from Evan- aiming for the door. “For the last two years, I’ve been pretending that I don’t love you and its  _worked_. I managed to keep my feelings hidden. I could have done it, it was hard as fuck and a constant battle, but I  _didn’t have to_  tell you. This,” Moo mumbled, “this could have been avoided.”

“What the fu-” Tyler began, but Evan interrupted him, cutting his words off as he glanced at Moo with a sharp look.

“I think you should… I think you should go, Brock.” He blurted, somehow managing to hold eye contact with his friend. He could see the redness in Moo’s eyes, it was more stronger than before but he didn’t let the pang of guilt stop him from continuing, “w-we can talk about this another day, but right now I need to get married and I don’t think you’re the best person to be standing beside me while I do. I’ll- I’ll call you later…”

Brock let out a low gasp, almost as if he was struggling to breathe and Evan watched him scrunch up his nose. He shook his head and licked his lips slowly, “No you wont…” he muttered, before moving over to the doorway. He paused in front of Tyler, who looked like he wanted to say something-anything- but instead he just moved out of the way and let Brock pass.

Evan watched Moo retreat out the room, observing the way his shoulders trembled with each step and the way he stumbled slightly as he walked. It was obvious that he was more affected by Evan’s rejection than what he let on, but Evan didn’t want to think about it anymore. The second he left his eyesight, Tyler quickly rounded on him and Evan let out the breath he was holding.

“Don’t. Just don’t, Tyler. Find Craig and tell him he’ll be taking Brock’s place, but please don’t tell him why,” he demanded, heading for the door himself only to be stopped by Tyler’s hand on his shoulder.

“Evan, what the hell just happened? Are you going to explain to me why Brock looked like he was fucking dying? What did you do?”

“I did nothing, that’s the point Tyler. I didn’t tell him I loved him, cause I don’t… not like that anyway. I didn’t stop the wedding and I didn’t convince him to stay. I did nothing Tyler, because it was already too late for us,” he replied, shaking Tyler’s hand off and walking away.

He needed to find Sydney, to apologize for his behaviour and make sure she was alright. After all, she was the one he was marrying,  _not_ Brock.

It wasn’t to late for  _them_.


End file.
